In Pizza We Trust

Since the US Mint is apparently not going to be producing Silver Eagles anytime soon, they seeking public comment on what to do next. (See their public notice at the bottom of this post.) Oh boy, I see some fun here…

Here is my comment to

Dear Sirs,

Since it is apparent that the US Mint will no longer be producing Silver Eagles, I would like to humbly suggest that the US Mint produce coins like the venerable Chuck E Cheese token. Short of bringing sound money back to this country, the Chuck E. Cheese token is the next best thing the US Mint could do to get America out of it’s funk. Seriously, think of it, the only other coin that gave me as much joy as a Proof 2005 Silver Eagle, was a Chuck E. Cheese token. When I was child hopped up on sugar and pizza, these Chuck E. Cheese tokens were the greatest thing ever. Now we have a once in a lifetime opportunity to spread that joy to the whole country.

The Chuck E. Cheese token reflects America much better than the Silver Eagle does anyway. The Silver Eagle represents old fashion stuff like Patriotism, Liberty, Honest Money, and a Belief in God. The Chuck E. Cheese token represents eating pizza, getting high on sugar, fun without consequences, playing video games until your hands cramp up, and working really hard for cheap Chinese toys. Honestly what do you think better represents America? Silver Eagles or Chuck E Cheese?

Oh, wait there is more…

The visionary Chuck E. Cheese Corporation realized they could force America to use these coins because they have a monopoly on the coin. The only way you could have the “American Dream” in the Chuck E. Cheese fun house, was to get screaming kids to beg Daddy to give up his real money for these tokens of fun. This is like America now, whoever screams the loudest, gets the most money from Uncle Sam.

The US Mint has a monopoly in the United States through legal tender laws. A quick refresher can be found here in Von Nothaus vs. US Mint. Through the use of force and government intimidation, the US Mint can force Americans to accept any coin a legal tender. So I suggest that we just cut to the chase and follow the Chuck E Cheese model.

First thing to do is to get rid of all of that barbarous relic materials like Gold, Silver and Platinum. I suggest using Aluminum since it is so readily available. If paper and digital entries can be money in America, why not the lightest of metals?

The US Mint should produce Aluminum coins with all sorts of values on them like 1¢, 5¢, 10¢ and 25¢. I think a really great idea is to not stop there and dream BIG.  You could make bigger coins like $1, $5, $10, $20, $50, $100, $1,000, $10,000, $100,000 $1,000,000,000 and on and on. Really there is no limit to the amount of zeros you could add on to this new coin. Look at what Moore’s Law has done for computing power. Think of the possibilities of the US Mint using nanotechnology to put more zeros on our money. Talk about American innovation at it’s best!!

I can see it now, the President of the United States unveiling a new zero on our Aluminum coin every month. That would be great press coverage for the US Mint. At that rate, you might have new reporters set up permanent offices inside of the US Mint. I could probably even get Charlie Sheen to be your official US Mint Press Secretary. He is winning!

As far as design for the new American coin, I would caution you not to veer too far off of the tried and true Chuck E Cheese token. Not only would this help America adjust to the new coin, because of 30 years of brand recognition. Americans could immediately spend it in their local Chuck E Cheese fun house and boost the economy.

I would keep the “In Pizza We Trust.” Only 18% of Americans go to church on a regular basis but 94% of Americans eat Pizza. That is a landslide win for Pizza over God.

I would keep the “Smile America” too. “Smile America” is just what this country needs right now. Inane marketing slogans always work in America. I mean Google laughably uses “Don’t Be Evil.”  E pluribus unum shunum. America can no longer speak English much less Latin.

I would also keep the rat. With all of the rats on Wall St and K Street that control America, this would make an excellent replacement to Lady Liberty.

If the Chuck E. Cheese model is successful, we could roll out a corporate sponsorship program. So instead of the 50 state quarters program, we could have 50 corporate powers program. I call dibs on the first Proof Monsanto Quarter!

The US Mint could color the coins with gold and silver colored lead paint. (I have a contact for the lead paint in China.) Actually, here is a brilliant idea; we should just have China make these coins too. Why do we need to make our money here anyway? Since they have all of our money, they should have a say in how we spend it right?

The US Mint could take this a step further. With all of this new money into circulation at Chuck E. Cheese, there is another way the US Mint can profit off of this once in a lifetime opportunity. Have you ever considered creating Gold colored tungsten bars are selling them Chuck E Cheese? It would give us Americans a huge perceived value to work really hard for, without a lot of cost to the US Mint. It sure would beat the big bear in a blue sweatshirt I won by scoring 1,538,053 points at Skee-Ball. (It’s up there in the top right corner of this picture.)

I am full of really great ideas and would be happy to do some high level consulting to help you through this transition period.

I come cheap. I only want to be paid in pizza, because “In Pizza I Trust.”

Live Bold,


“I prefer dangerous freedom to peaceful slavery.” -Thomas Jefferson

Please post your emails in the comment section below.

United States Mint Seeks Public Comment on Factors to be Considered in Research and Evaluation of Potential New Metallic Coinage Materials

WASHINGTON – The United States Mint today announced that it is requesting public comment from all interested persons on factors to be considered in conducting research for alternative metallic coinage materials for the production of all circulating coins.

These factors include, but are not limited to, the effect of new metallic coinage materials on the current suppliers of coinage materials; the acceptability of new metallic coinage materials, including physical, chemical, metallurgical and technical characteristics; metallic material, fabrication, minting, and distribution costs; metallic material availability and sources of raw metals; coinability; durability; sorting, handling, packaging and vending machines; appearance; risks to the environment and public safety; resistance to counterfeiting; commercial and public acceptance; and any other factors considered to be appropriate and in the public interest.

The United States Mint is not soliciting suggestions or recommendations on specific metallic coinage materials, and any such suggestions or recommendations will not be considered at this time.  The United States Mint seeks public comment only on the factors to be considered in the research and evaluation of potential new metallic coinage materials.

The recently enacted Coin Modernization, Oversight, and Continuity Act of 2010 (Public Law 111-302) gives the United States Mint research and development authority to conduct studies for alternative metallic coinage materials.  Additionally, the new law requires the United States Mint to consider certain factors in the conduct of research, development, and solicitation of input or work in conjunction with Federal and nonfederal entities, including factors that the public believes the United States Mint should consider to be appropriate and in the public interest.

Comments must be submitted on or before April 4, 2011.  Interested parties may submit written comments by any of the following methods:

Fax: (202) 756-6500
Mail: New Coin Materials Comments
Mail Stop:  Manufacturing 6 North
United States Mint
801 Ninth Street, N.W.
Washington D.C.  20220
Hand Delivery/Courier:  Same as mail address.

For further information, contact:  Jean Gentry, Deputy Chief Counsel, United States Mint at (202) 354-7359 (not a toll-free call).

h/t Alexander Gloy

11 comments to In Pizza We Trust

  • rmcnnlly

    Great Posting! With lots of truth to it! Send it to the US Mint! They are just nothing but pawns of the Federal Reserve Banks. I suppose they want to move the silver and gold over to JPMorgan, Goldman Sachs and the rest of the mafia gang to keep them afloat while the American people choke on paper money which is going to be coming soon like a fire hydrant being opened up.

    Gold and Silver for the Big Banksters and cheap paper for the American citizenry chumps.

    I bet the banksters next plan is to steal the Gold and Silver people have put away in the vaults of their “Self Directed IRA” plans.

    These criminals want it all!

  • I sure wish the Mint would secure the silver necessary to produce the coins necessary to supply the American public. Maybe if the Mint would pay the going price for silver, the true value of silver would be attained instead of being manipulated downward.

    • Silver Shield

      Write them and tell them.

      I think it is vital that we speak up and apply pressure on them.

  • ximmy

    Excellent!!! Lots of original thought & sadly… very appropriate

  • Philidor

    My comment to the Mint:

    It is clear that regardless of whatever metal is selected for the content of U.S. coinage, the value of the metal content invariably increases – to beyond the face value of the coin, at some point in time. (Or is it that the currency gets continuously debased? — I forget.) Therefore, in order minimize long-term production costs (and of course maximize government seignorage), adopting this criterion probably implies the use of aluminum or plastic. These materials have the additional advantage of lightness, and will therefore remind the people of the evanescent, ever-decreasing value of their currency.

    As an alternative, should the foremost criterion for specie be instead considered as having a U.S. currency that can again be used as an actual store of value over time, I would suggest using aluminum coins with variably-sized small, but precisely-measured, nuggets of gold or silver embedded in their centers. This latter would protect the gold and silver stocks from loss due to handling wear, old coins being as good as new, and would add some appropriate weight to the coinage as well. Automated verification of the nugget denomination and composition as embedded in the otherwise aluminum disk should be relatively easy to accomplish using modern technology.

  • Mike S

    What does this part mean? “Have you ever considered creating Gold colored tungsten bars are selling them Chuck E Cheese?”

  • […] wrote a very sarcastic piece a week or so ago called, “In Pizza We Trust”. I wrote to the US Mint and said that if they were no longer going to create Silver Eagles, they […]

  • […] wrote a very sarcastic piece a week or so ago called, “In Pizza We Trust”. I wrote to the US Mint and said that if they were no longer going to create Silver Eagles, they […]

  • […] The US Mint is apparently no longer going to produce Silver Eagles after months of record sales. They have even started to inquire the public about what other materials we would like to see in our coins. I suggested we make aluminum tokens just like Chuck E. Cheese uses in my article, “In Pizza We Trust.” […]

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